- Go Out ALONE!
- 14 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who’s Actually Awkward | Thought Catalog
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- Meet Up Groups: Socializing With A Focus
After all, you can't totally control your partner, but you can choose how you respond to them. First, ask yourself if there any parts of your partner's behavior you might be able to accept by changing your attitude towards them? You accept that because your spouse has a less social personality that they're never going to be the party animal you sometimes wish they were.
You realize you worry too much about how other people may judge you for your spouse's interests, and that you need to accept that it's fine if he wants to talk to people about them. You realize you're a bit too critical of other people, and one symptom of this is expecting your partner to be perfect in social situations. After some introspection you realize you're actually fine with your spouse's quirks, but up until now you've been unconsciously acting on values you picked up from your parents about how people 'should' act.
Next, is there anything you can do on your own to adapt to your partner's social style? If you resent your shy, homebody boyfriend because you can't meet anyone through him, is it possible you just need to get better at finding new friends on your own, instead of expecting to form your social life around people he introduces you too? If your spouse is sometimes awkward at parties, is there a way you can respectfully and politely warn other people about him in advance, and tell them the best way to act around him? He doesn't realize when he's doing it, and actually appreciates it when people stop him and point it out.
Of course, you won't be able to accept or adapt to everything about your mate. For that you'll first need to Some of you have already done this step. However, it's just as likely you've kept your feelings close to your chest, or you've only expressed them through the odd little comment. Having a more open or straightforward discussion can be easier said than done.
We all naturally want to avoid potentially tense or awkward conversations. We don't want to hurt their feelings. We try to tell ourselves our concerns aren't that big a deal and not worth rocking the boat over. If something bugs you enough though, you've got to get it out there sooner or later. To talk about compromising a little more, this is especially something you'll need to do if your partner just has a different social style than you.
There's no preference towards socializing that's better or worse than another , so you're not really in a spot to insist they change to meet your standards. However, if you're both able to compromise you may be able to work something out that's a lot more mutually satisfying than what you've been doing to date.
For example, if a woman likes going to bustling parties, and would love her boyfriend to come with her, they might agree that it's only reasonable for him to accompany her to at least some events, and to make an effort to be chatty while he's there. However, in return she'll acknowledge how draining he finds it, and she'll be okay with him ducking out after hours with a reasonable excuse.
She'll then be able to stay as long as she wants, and he'll pick her up later if she doesn't have another way to get home. Also, he'll be given a few days each week where he can chill at home and do his own thing.
Go Out ALONE!
I've already talked about accepting, adapting, and compromising, now what about when one partner has legitimate issues they need to work on? What if they admit they want to do something about their stifling shyness, or shaky conversation skills?
Social skills are something people mainly have to work on by themselves, so the first thing you can do is just be supportive as they do that. Cheer on their little victories and milestones.
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Be there to listen if they need to vent after a frustrating experience. Show through your actions that you still love them despite the fact that they're not socially perfect. It's also possible they may ask for your help.
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- 15 Dating Struggles Of Socially Awkward People | New Love Times.
You need to tread carefully here. They come with an inherent power imbalance. Your partner may not appreciate being thrown into a role where they feel they have to perform to your standards, and you get to evaluate and critique them. They may not be able to deal with the idea that you disapprove of some aspect of them and are constantly on the lookout for it. If your relationship is strong on the whole, and they're open to being taught by you, you can consider it, but err on the side of caution and let them approach you first. If your partner is open to you helping them there are three things you can do.
You can help educate them, you can give them feedback and advice on how they come across, and you can assist them while they socialize in the moment.
14 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who’s Actually Awkward | Thought Catalog
Assisting with their education may be as simple as recommending a book or website. If you're up for it, and feel qualified for the task, you could also explain aspects of socializing to them. For example, if thinking of things to say comes easily to you, you could tell them how you manage to keep your conversations going. An example of giving feedback, which also involves some teaching, may be, "At the party last night, when your co-worker asked you how your art lessons were, they just wanted to hear a quick summary. They weren't expecting you to talk to them for ten minutes about what last week's class covered.
Of course you want to deliver any feedback in a warm, supportive way, and not come across like some impatient Little League coach who's waiting to pounce on their every mistake. If you're out with them, often it works better to just enjoy the event, and debrief about what could have been done differently later on. They'll feel under less scrutiny and pressure that way, and you won't be disrupting their vibe by pulling them aside every half hour. You can directly assist your partner by helping them get into conversations, or by taking up the slack if they seem to have run out of things to say.
If they're feeling shy, and again, if they're open to it, you can gently encourage them to take more risks. Let the other person talk!!!
As I talk about in another article, I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing a counselor. The piece I just linked to is about how someone could see a therapist for help with their own social issues, but the basic ideas also apply to the non-awkward partner, or couple making an appointment. There are clear benefits for the awkward partner seeing someone. They can get support and guidance while addressing their issues. They may be more open to working with a neutral professional. If you're both wondering whether they meet the diagnosis for a condition like ADHD or Asperger's Syndrome, your partner can be properly assessed to clear that question up.
If it turns out a diagnosis does apply to them, they can then get further direction. It's necessary to mention that counseling isn't something you just send another person to so the therapist will "fix" them for you. The person attending has to be motivated to change for themselves. Counseling can also be a big help to the non-awkward partner.
You can talk to someone about the frustrations you're experiencing on your end. My interests are nerdy and range from somewhat to extremely esoteric.
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Thus, during first dates in particular, I tend to default into a state of over-politeness. When I started dating in this way, I found myself often stuck continuing useless small talk for way too long when I felt no connection whatsoever. My bad dates lasted longer than my good ones. After some time in this particular dating world, however, I started enacting rules that made bad dates bearable and good dates more apparent. Meet in person as soon as possible. Whatever you do, avoid sending messages back and forth for too long. You end up creating an unrealistic idea of who that person in your head, which rarely matches the person in real life.
Meet Up Groups: Socializing With A Focus
I have had really amazing online conversations with people, who I was then really excited to meet, only to not mesh with them at all in real life. The sooner you meet face-to-face, the better. Plan your first date around an activity you enjoy. No matter what, you will have fun. If the activity is a little off the beaten path, all the better. Choosing an activity with some universal appeal but also some personal significance will reveal something about you and give you a gauge of the other person based on how they react.
When you go on a date together look to do something active. Take her out someplace fun — to a comedy show or mini golf. For more examples of where to take a girl on a date check out this list of first date ideas. For tips and advice on how to approach women and get a conversation going, click here. Brian M - author of posts on The Art of Charm. Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject.
Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Be Genuinely Interested You can often avoid that feeling of not knowing what to talk about with women by allowing yourself to be genuinely interested and curious about who she is. Let her squirm Rather than getting worked up about what you should do or say to get rid of an awkward silence just relax and embrace it.